If I believed in fate...

     It's always amazing to me when events seemingly happen at the moment you need them most. My neuroscience lens is screaming, "R.A.S.! R.A.S.! It's real!" (Which of course when typing makes me think of R.O.U.S.s - I don't think they exist, but I digress...) My frontal cortex says that my Reticular Activating System (R.A.S.) is hyper focused on finding my purpose, my "self", again.

Wednesday's Learning Lab experience left me more than a little depressed, I have to be honest. Watching an incredibly organized, purposeful, intentional educator teach in the morning was wonderful. The afternoon started well, but by the debrief, devolved into something I wasn't mentally prepared for. There were extenuating circumstances that contributed to my negative mental state. But upon reflection, while my spouse has a nasty habit of triggering panic attacks that linger for hours, if not days, I realize I have strayed from the path of "myself". By the afternoon, the dichotomous nature of educational philosophies was crystal clear. And I was struck by how far to one side I was, and that there are educators who have what I consider an "old school" view of education. I have to remember that I am new to this. I am not yet "comfortable" in what I do - and, honestly, hope I never am. 

As I sat listening to the NSTA Keynote Speaker, Nalini Nadkarni, today, I remembered me. The me I want to be - the "why" of where I have ended up.

I met Nalini ten years ago, when I was a zookeeper at Northwest Trek Wildlife Park. She is who inspired me to do the work I did at Northwest Trek, and spurred my passion for passionate education. Some of the accomplishments I am most proud of were inspired by this woman, including acting as the communications coordinator (17+ public, private and government bodies) for the Sustainable Prisons Project inspired captive rearing of Oregon Spotted Frogs, training inmates in care of frogs, writing the first Oregon Spotted Frog Captive Rearing Protocol and articles in professional magazines, national awards and recognition of our work, and acquisition of tens of thousands of dollars in grants. 

When I decided to leave Trek and get my Masters in Teaching, I wanted to be a teacher to bring REAL science to the classroom. I know students could do the work I did in the zoo. I KNOW they could be citizen scientists and researchers. I don't want to get away from that, but what I do want to do is re-frame that vision. 

I want the students that failed science. I want the students who won't graduate. I want to get to know THEM. I want to reach THEM. I've seen it work. I've literally worked beside former killers, armed robbers, violent offenders as together we hand fed crickets to 50 gram endangered frogs because the inmates were worried that they were being out-competed by the larger frogs for food. I don't have the expectation that I will inspire them to become scientists. But I DO believe that I can inspire them, engage them, reach them as basic humans.

Nalini encourages us to have "humility for others perspectives", reminds us that if it's important to us that we have to stop asking the students to come to us, that WE have to go TO the students, and that their take-away, THEIR perspective is the goal. I don't want to create drones. I want to create thinkers who can further inspire others in THEIR way from THEIR perspective.

Now I need to find a way to keep this in the front of my thinking, to guide my choices. How do I remember? How do I stay on this path that motivates me in a way that I won't ever forget my personal mission.

Thank you, Nalini, for the reminder when I needed it most.